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Lookin’ For a Good Man
A very shocking statistic has come to the forefront of my life lately; the fact that, approximately 46% of Black Women are single. I have heard this number before but for some reason when I recently read an article containing this information, it struck home. Perhaps it is because I have been single for the past six years and sometimes doubt if I will ever marry again. Oh, it is not that I have no desire to marry; it is what I believe to be the shortage of eligible Black men in my league. Now, that may sound picky to some of you but I have come to learn that if I want to spend time with a brotha with out baggage, I have got to be picky. When we as women have a lot to bring to the table, it means that we also have a lot to loose if we are not careful who we share our goods with, thus we have to look at all angles when embarking on a relationship. If you will indulge me for a minute, I would like to make some suggestions which are actually lessons I have learned the hard way. My first and foremost suggestion is to remember, ‘what you see is what you get.’ How many times have we gotten into a relationship with a man only to discover that he is no longer who he started out as? Maybe he was adventurous, or affectionate, or giving, or some other trait that we loved and now all that seems to have disappeared. Well, I guarantee you if you get to yourself and think back you will find that home-slice was the never really any different in the beginning than he is now. It may have been somewhat covered up but was none the less there all the time. The next thing that I have learned is if you listen very carefully to a man he will tell you everything you need to know about him and the way he thinks. For example, I was recently talking with a gentleman about things we may enjoy doing together, well, I like to travel and see new places, try new things etc. After listening to me he proceeded to imply that he prefers his woman to participate in activities he enjoys but he did not mention participating in what she enjoys. When I asked him if that meant he would not be interested in joining me in the activities I take pleasure in, he said ‘well, no I would do some things with you.’ OK, been down this road before and sistahs when a man vehemently tells you something and then tries to back-track . . . do not be fooled. He just tipped his hand, believe him. Finally, there is a lesson taught me by my older sister and that is, it takes about two years to really know someone. In our conversation she mentioned for the first year of dating everyone is on their best behavior, so a man’s true colors may not be seen until that second year. After the first year however, we tend to relax, become comfortable if you will and our true selves come out. That said to me all of the drama, stuff, idiosyncrasies he covered up for the first twelve months will be revealed. Armed with all of this knowledge has not made it easier to get into and maintain a meaningful, committed monogamous relationship, it has actually made it more difficult but the difficulty is well worth it. I would rather enjoy my aloneness that put up with some brotha’s drama just to have a man. Humph! At least I have peace . . . Does any of this make me want to give up my search for a good man? Nope. I refuse to believe that there are no good men left; perhaps there are not many but I know they exist. So, ladies, my sistahs, armed with my secret weapon (God’s guidance) I will continue my search for my good man knowing that he is out there somewhere. Who knows maybe this time, two years from now, I’ll be writing a blog titled, “Finding My Good Man!” Until then, I’ll be keeping my eyes and ears open. Ciao!
Savannah J.
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